I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
