walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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