If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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