Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
