i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I'm getting married
To pizza
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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