I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize