I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
