1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
