well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
