a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
