Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Randomize
