This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
