Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
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