i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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