Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Randomize