i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Randomize
