What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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