i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
