Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
If I had your ass I would rule the world
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
