he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
