I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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