i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
