This is not my ceiling
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Randomize
