Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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