Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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