Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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