i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
