I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
