____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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