I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
