I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
