he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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