After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
