And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
