I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I'm getting married
To pizza
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
You left your phone here
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