oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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