Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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