Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
