one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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