you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
