i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
