The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
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