I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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