It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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