He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
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