There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
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