You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
