I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
