woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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