last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
