You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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