literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
