Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
