I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Randomize
