It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
