listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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