Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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