I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
