Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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