I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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