my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
