i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
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