On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
