dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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